Being a Well Liked Person
This is something that has been on my mind for the past month. If you're sitting next to or near someone on a bus/train/plane do you ever speak to them, even if you don't know them? I have bought up to think talking to strangers is wrong but that's not true. When i'm at school and i might stand near someone i don't know, i just think well i don't know this person so i won't talk to them. However, my other friend that i am slightly jealous of because of his willingness to talk to anyone, he will speak to them and be instant friends. So I've been trying to talk to and make more friends at school. I've discovered that saying that magic word 'Hi' can be a real ice breaker and i'm surprised by people i thought kept to themselves and were quite shy, how they light up and start a thriving conversation with me. So basically, this topic is to talk about talking :D Are you an introverted person that has trouble talking to strangers/co-workers/fellow students etc.? Well discuss here. If you're the social type, please share how you talk to randoms and become friends!
Just be yourself. I hardly ever talk to strangers. Most of the time I just think of people as noisy furniture, especially on crowded buses, and when they are young and stupid and I just want them to shut the fuck up.
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Like Summerlander said, just be yourself. I am a very shy person, i just talk to my friends, i don't start conversations with strangers, i am not a very social person. I too was jealous of some friends of mine who have the ability to talk to everyone they see. This can be good. But can also be bad. The other person might not want to talk and your friend might be considered a "pain in the ass". I've tried to change but i get all stressed out. So, i gave up. I just be myself. There are people who like me this way: quiet, shy but a good friend, humorous, kind and easy-going. People who don't like me, i don't care about them. Don't try to be someone else. Be yourself and be surrounded by people who like you.
Yeah, you also don't want to come across as a bleating pain in the ass. Moreover, think about what could happen if you strike up a conversation with some psychopath who develops an unhealthy obsession with you. Socialising in this manner can be a great boon in widening your network and enriching conviviality, but it invites a greater possibility of danger, too.
Unfortunately, our world is not uncorrupted. It is multicoloured with personalities with all sorts of hidden agendas. The introvert is safer than the extrovert in the same manner that the monogamist is safer than the polygamist, and, if your friend one day realises this, he may want to be more like you. I'm sorry if I sound cynical but I am only trying to be realistic here. Perhaps save your keen, forthcoming side for those occasions when you may wish to seduce your "object" of attraction. (And pick wisely.) 8-)
Never mind being well liked! If this becomes your main focus you will drive yourself insane. Do what comes natural to you instead of trying to live to entertain others.
Shy or introvert are people who suffer a lot. They don’t have friends, they don’t go out, don’t have activities, judge people without knowing them, and are limited. That doesn’t mean that if you’re shy you cannot change. Shy is just a mask which hide your real personality ex; at home you are yourself but when you are with people you put your mask on, you don’t want to show your full potential to people.
When I was a kid, I was shy and nobody didn’t like me. One day a man told me be yourself, I misunderstood so I said to myself, I’m shy, whereas it was not me, my full personality the full me was behind that shy mask, when I took off the mask, show everyone who I am, everybody started liking me because I was myself.
The important it is to find yourself and your purpose.
People who can’t stay with other people are not human for me. Human is LOVE, appreciate people present, learn more about other, we all need each other to make a better world, but it all start by changing ourselves.
Whoever said being gregarious was a good thing?
You don't have to be 'popular' to be happy. My personality is an INFP (from another topic here in the Off-Topic), but I'm proud of it. I never talk about the weather or gossip and can't fit in with society, but I don't mind being a hermit who comes out to talk about things I'm interested in and then retreats back to solitude in my own mind.
Be content with yourself, whatever it is. We all have our talents and weaknesses.
Very good comments. I am happy to say that since posting this topic i have made a lot more friends all thanks to just saying hi to some people. I've learned that you don't have to have deep conversations with people to be good friends, just a simple how are you will do then you can get on with what you are doing. I'm not necisarily saying i'm trying to be someone else, i am getting out and meeting more people which makes me feel better and more sociable. My ideal plan for the weekend used to be sitting in my lounge room all day playing video games however now i if i do that i feel like i should be getting outside talking to people. But that's just me, i'm slowly becoming comfortable being able to talk to anyone and everyone. But how come nowadays everyone is so afraid to just say hi to people? I've observed that the seniors make great conversation with people they've never even met and there's never an awkward moment. Children these days have been brought up to steer away from strangers, that is good in some aspects but, you're not gonna make many friends that way.
There is definitely nothing wrong with upgrading yourself and it certainly does not equate with "trying to be someone else." Sometimes it is good to try different approaches and explore. There is also such a thing as learning about yourself. I'm glad the comments posted here helped you in some way! Best of luck! :-)
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Hi, how are you, Btifuldreamer.? Feels good to say that. 8-)
I noticed this too about children today. I see empty playgrounds, and nobody is jumping rope or making chalk outlines and playing hop-scotch anymore.
In the 80's we would play outdoors and ride our bikes and had a lot more freedom and learned the 'rules of the playground'. Letting kids run free and interact makes them grow up and be strong, but there is so much fear mongering in the media about guys in vans taking kids away. It's ridiculous. Don't let a few rare bad-apples spoil the whole bunch.
Get out there and have fun! It's a friendly world for the most part.
I don't know if animals are easier to understand but they are certainly easier to talk to. But the problem is that they don't talk back (and they are not really "listening").
Human friends have the potential to offer much more - for better or for worse. As for issues with keeping secrets or even telling white lies with the best intentions I can only point to a commendable book which I'm currently reading: "Lying" by Sam Harris. It has taught me, so far, that people tend to underestimate honesty as a tool with which they can improve their relationships and ultimately lead better lives. There are many reasons to believe that the old maxim is true: honesty is the best policy.
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***(I wrote this before your response, Summerlander, and didn't read it yet, just to let you know. It was in response to Nesgirl's previous one). ***
I can sum it all up in one word: **Empathy. ** Although logically I know the cat purring on my stomach as I lay in bed is self absorbed, and doesn't care for me, I feel good that it feels good. It's irrational, but who is? At least I admit it. I'm an animal lover too and find solace in the presence of my 'teddy bears' and 'brick walls', and my, 'Wilsons'.
You're naive to think they can help you fix a flat tire though!
(I'm against animal cruelty too, but let's keep it on track. Need another topic for that, but I'm with you.) ;)
Just had a response from Summerlander as I was trying to submit this... I'll be back. 8-)
Deleted because there is no reason for it
Now onto Summerlander:
I like your question posed about the Jumper. We see faces and expressions and misinterpret them. Heck, we see faces in clouds. But his wife, Devi, is a Blackwidow out for his money! ;) Even her rhetoric can't be trusted! That's why other animals seem easier to talk to... the very fact that they don't respond, means they don't tell lies. They express what they feel. (Better than listening to a politician on Fake News, err, I mean Fox News! They're all fake equally and I don't discriminate.... ;) ) Just saying that talking to animals is not insane, and serves a purpose, and it's cathartic and good to get away, and helps put things in a new perspective. Not saying I talk to them, and get responses, but like to sit and think with them and enjoy their company,... their 'friendship', for lack of a better word. I know it's an illusion of friendship, but I wouldn't want to be logical 24/7... I think I would go mad!
I do change my mind about this though. This made me re-think my analogy and I should have known better:
Summerlander wrote: Bears rape their own kind, dolphins are known to attack one another, and apes can behave tribally and kill their own. These are a few examples. You still want to compare humanity with animalism?
You are right, and they are cruel in their own species, I know. I'll give you that, and concede. You win that one. :D
Now I caught up and read your other response Summerlander. I am ashamed to admit, but it needs to be said, that I am a complete hypocrite. More people should acknowledge this.
I have been wrestling with this debate for years now: How can I justify having a dog as a pet and a pig as a meal? And yet some people do the opposite!
They are basically the same as far as intelligence, and very similar, and any other 'colour' in between (other animals, and life) are still just a collection of atoms with what I think have feelings whether others notice it or not. And the feelings I attributed to them all was just an emotional illusion of empathy, (or selectively ignoring it) as a mental-self-defense-mechanism to keep me 'moral', so I 'can sleep at night'. (We humans are ultimately so selfish...)
I WOKE UP! I see the truth.
I'm not saying it's immoral to eat meat. Just saying, if you want some, look it in the eyes, and kill it yourself. If you can't do that, than don't go to a grocery store and get it wrapped in plastic!
(I went off tangent, but I'll bring it back to the OP. What I say is what I believe, whether I am a well liked person or not, and will change my mind at times, because we are all friends with respect!)
Hi, nesgirl. You have expressed a common misconception regarding lucid dreaming: it is not an instance where free will is at work. Lucid dreaming is merely and instance where waking consciousness is active whilst dreaming and you realise the nature of your perceived surroundings.
In fact, what you decide to do in a lucid dream is constrained by urges that you did not author. Such impulses arise from your unconscious side and their origin are often unknown to the self. You may decide what you decide but you don't get to decide what you are going to decide. You can't even predict what you will be thinking next (and I bet you couldn't predict all your responses to my posts either prior to having been exposed to them). All of this just proves my point: there is no free will.
If you don't believe me, you can refer to Libet's experiments where the relevant motor parts of the brain activate before an individual becomes aware of deciding to move a limb. If you still insist that free will is not an illusion and that the universe is not deterministic dure to cause and effect, then give me a genuine example of free will seen as this subject is appearing to be apropos to the topic. (Bear in mind that you did not pick your genome, your family, your gender, your ethnic origin, your life's events which influenced you etc.) Ultimately, I contend that we cannot truly be blamed for anything just as praise is not ours to take for "our" achievements. The authorship belongs to the Big Bang that set everything in motion in this universe.
To Hagart: I'm pressed for time but I will respond to some of your points later.
Great discourse, guys. :-)
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I woke up and had a thought. Indeed I am a hypocrite, as hard as that is to admit. But what's my alternative? Be called a VEGAN! :? That's a really tough choice! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and don't know what's worse! ;) :lol:
I still recommend those links I posted yesterday, and wonder if you guys watched them? They're short, but say a lot.
nesgirl wrote: As long as I program a robot just right, the robot will do exactly as I tell it to, and I can talk to the robot as much as I want.
Aren't we all robots? Organic machines. And I am just words on a screen on your machine, so it's comfortable to talk as if we are just robots. Whether you know it or not though, I am your friend. We are not best friends in the inner circle, but due to forums like this, we are part of a larger social circle and influence each other. You seem anti-friendship, and I like to annoy you by saying this... I AM YOUR FRIEND!
I feel like Ernie talking to Oscar The Grouch! :P
@ Hagart:
I've decided to reply to some of the statements you made and I will eventually watch your videos (I am guilty of ignoring the links). :mrgreen:
I do change my mind about this though. This made me re-think my analogy and I should have known better
I can't tell you how many times I have changed my mind. But the fun is in re-thinking what we think we know in the face of new information. Why should we cling to certain beliefs and uncertainties and close our minds off to new info? Why narrow our perspective of the world? I only wish enlightened people had been more candid with me earlier in my life instead of worrying about offending me by expressing opposition to my views. :|
I applaud you for being honest in saying that you have changed your mind in the course of our discussion. I wish I had some of this honesty and humility when I first started socialising online. Those are very admirable qualities. And whether you expect, desire or are indifferent to how others view you after such admission, you have potentially increased your chances of being a well liked person in these circles regardless. 8-)
They are basically the same as far as intelligence, and very similar, and any other 'colour' in between (other animals, and life) are still just a collection of atoms with what I think have feelings whether others notice it or not. And the feelings I attributed to them all was just an emotional illusion of empathy, (or selectively ignoring it) as a mental-self-defense-mechanism to keep me 'moral', so I 'can sleep at night'. (We humans are ultimately so selfish...)
Interesting psychology behind the scenes there. I have something similar going on in my head. I can hear pigs squealing before they are slaughtered - and I feel for them - but I am still quite happy to eat them (even after learning that they are "closer cousins" to humans than dogs). I still wouldn't eat a dog though. I have started reading "The Moral Landscape" by Sam Harris (finished his essay on "Lying") and it is astonishing to learn, or be reminded of, the various things that we humans tell ourselves in a process of self-deception that will somehow retain our sense of being moral and be convincing enough to the point where we presume to already know what's best for us. :|
I'm not saying it's immoral to eat meat. Just saying, if you want some, look it in the eyes, and kill it yourself. If you can't do that, than don't go to a grocery store and get it wrapped in plastic!
I see the value of this statement and this is indeed what some individuals need to hear. But some could make the argument that they would rather have others slaughter animals for their consumption. They could say things like, "I'd rather not get my hands dirty." Another form of retaliation that you would have to prepare yourself for in a debate would be the reasoning that if you don't eat meat the animals will have perished in abattoirs in vain. The meat industry will go on and pigs will continue to be slaughtered as long as some of us have a gustatory penchant for pork. :shock:
EDIT:
Just watched the short videos you posted! The internet certainly helped to increase our Dunbar's number and it is indeed true that eating meat helped us to develop our brains (how animals first shaped our minds). Eventually we formed a bond which started from the earliest humans studying animals and talking advantage of them. Have you check out documentaries about the cat's evolution and how it came to be domesticated? The little silvesters began to hunt and kill pests for us and we provided food and shelter in return. So cool! :mrgreen:
Glad you watched those. It's food for thought in tiny, bit-sized, pieces.
Whenever we have a discourse, ask yourself this... what was the point? What did you learn or gain? (Not what did you say.)
Yeah, point taken. Sometimes I revise everything for fun and ask myself if I was a well liked person during the discourse. If not, it is usually enough for me to like myself. :-D
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Proved my point and deleting this.
btifuldreamer wrote: Very good comments. I am happy to say that since posting this topic i have made a lot more friends all thanks to just saying hi to some people. I've learned that you don't have to have deep conversations with people to be good friends, just a simple how are you will do then you can get on with what you are doing. I'm not necisarily saying i'm trying to be someone else, i am getting out and meeting more people which makes me feel better and more sociable. My ideal plan for the weekend used to be sitting in my lounge room all day playing video games however now i if i do that i feel like i should be getting outside talking to people. But that's just me, i'm slowly becoming comfortable being able to talk to anyone and everyone. But how come nowadays everyone is so afraid to just say hi to people? I've observed that the seniors make great conversation with people they've never even met and there's never an awkward moment. Children these days have been brought up to steer away from strangers, that is good in some aspects but, you're not gonna make many friends that way.
Cooooooooooooool man, im happy for you.
We've definitely helped! :-)
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I forgot about the original post.
Striking up a conversation with a complete stranger on a bus, or elevator, or in a grocery store will surprise you. People are more friendly than you think. It's a good practice we should all encourage.
There is always a risk with every action. Then again, quoting the bad guy from the movie "Meltdown": "No risk, no reward." :-D
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Thank Jeje :D I couldnt' be bothered to read all the post up til the last one, but from what i read it seems this post has turned into a debate about animal rights :lol: I'm an animal lover, own two dogs. I don't treat them as lesser creatures, i consider them family and love them. But anyways, i think something anyone should remember is what a simple "hey" can do. It can make someone's day when you simply say hey to a stranger. Don't be afraid. That's what i need to work on more, letting go of that fear of rejection. :geek:
People are more friendly and open than you think they are. We all went off on a tangent in your thread, trying to define "affection" and "friend" without realizing we were already friends, in the elevator of life.
This forum is the elevator and I hope we all go up! Take on new passengers and always say "hello!"
There is a lot one can glean from Rebecca's site. B-)
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For me, i hate being solo or alone. I love being with people, i’m a friendly person. I’m never at home, i spend all my time outside, and sometime i return home at 01:00 in the morning, but my dad hate that so he confiscates my motorbike. But i have a lot of friends, so sometime a friend come with his motorbike to take me. On Facebook, i have 8401 friends. Some people ask me how do you make a lot of friends so fast, and i reply; it's the way you think about people.
Je-Je wrote: For me, i hate being solo or alone. I love being with people, i’m a friendly person. I’m never at home, i spend all my time outside, and sometime i return home at 01:00 in the morning, but my dad hate that so he confiscates my motorbike. But i have a lot of friends, so sometime a friend come with his motorbike to take me. On Facebook, i have 8401 friends. Some people ask me how do you make a lot of friends so fast, and i reply; it's the way you think about people.
Sounds like quite the life you have ;) What is the way you think about people? I will see i have made a significant amount of new friends since creating this post. I think the main reason would be that i am more open to people and not as afraid of rejection. There are still times i avoid saying hi to certain people i'm not overly friends with for the fear they'll think i'm weird or something but i'm getting better. I guess fear of rejection is the main culprit for being shy or quiet
I was in fact very shy as a kid. But now I have changed (I took the mask off) extremely. It is really weird when I think about myself in the past.
So you could say you were wearing someone else skin like a mask? ;)
(That joke is funny now but it won't be for others reading this later when you change your Avatar picture)
HAGART wrote: So you could say you were wearing someone else skin like a mask? ;)
(That joke is funny now but it won't be for others reading this later when you change your Avatar picture)
I will never change it! Never!! Except if I find someone else more beautiful to cut..
I look at it like this. If one does not have reason to speak to someone, why bother them? Or if one has nothing to say, why speak? Look at from the perspective of commerce. If you have no apples to sell, why try to pass yourself off as a vendor? There are a whole lot of people who haven't the least bit of sense, but can talk from the moment they get up till they go to bed, yet they have said absolutely nothing.
Read the Platonic Dialogs, discourse with a purpose and based on principles of language. If you tried to talk like that today, you would probably have your phone tapped.
I really believe that there is quite a distinction between talking and jabbering.
Look at people as containers of time, and that time is slowly leaking out of that container. When you ask for their time, for any reason, are you being fair and honest with them? You can look at social media in the same manner. Ask the question, why do they want my time? The human mind is responsible for human will so as to maintain and promote its life. We are not simply exchanging words, we are exchanging life. Many people simply love giving it to idiots and fools, but that is because herding. Language is only as functional as the principles of language that functionally reside in one's own mind.
Do you read platonic dialogs, Philopopher? Where are you from??
Read them, check the Internet Archive, one of my language projects is making audio books from various translators. Many people do not have time to read, but they have an mp3 player. All of the downloads are free.
I was born in Vermont.
Each of Plato's dialogs, their outline is based on a principle of language or of psychology. Plato was not only expounding a Two Element Metaphysics, he was demonstrating it by his method of composition.
I will! I always wanted, but after a little search now I'm more eager to try than ever. I am from Hellas myself (you may call it Greece, but it's not right in my opinion).
In the U.S. New England has been said to produce more philosophers than anywhere else in the U.S. but in history, I do not believe that Greece has been bested. I do not think it can. In the works of Plato and Aristotle is the foundation of a Two Element Metaphysics. That is, outside of the Judeo-Christian Scripture.
One thing you wont find, searching the Archive, unless you read the pages, is that in The Grammar of English Grammar, by Gould Brown, in that directory I posted a Scriptorum of most of the dialogs I have been working on. I also posted the program I wrote for making the audio-books. I did not put a help file with the program. I just have too much to do. I have made corrections to many of the work I posted, but the sit on my own hard drive. Time. The Basic Analog Mathematics will be twelve volumes. It examples logic and analogic side by say, each saying exactly the same thing. Some might come to see this arrangement as a perfect example of language itself.
I won't have to read Plato's works in English, though. Είμαι Έλληνας, remember? Thus, I will have the opportunity to understand him better if I read the original (translated, but still more original) than reading it in English.
Maybe you will do your own translation into English some day.
If I learn English well enough, I might. :P
Philosopher8659 wrote: I look at it like this. If one does not have reason to speak to someone, why bother them? Or if one has nothing to say, why speak? Look at from the perspective of commerce. If you have no apples to sell, why try to pass yourself off as a vendor? There are a whole lot of people who haven't the least bit of sense, but can talk from the moment they get up till they go to bed, yet they have said absolutely nothing.
Read the Platonic Dialogs, discourse with a purpose and based on principles of language. If you tried to talk like that today, you would probably have your phone tapped.
I really believe that there is quite a distinction between talking and jabbering.
Look at people as containers of time, and that time is slowly leaking out of that container. When you ask for their time, for any reason, are you being fair and honest with them? You can look at social media in the same manner. Ask the question, why do they want my time? The human mind is responsible for human will so as to maintain and promote its life. We are not simply exchanging words, we are exchanging life. Many people simply love giving it to idiots and fools, but that is because herding. Language is only as functional as the principles of language that functionally reside in one's own mind.
That is a very philosophical response, Philosopher :ugeek: Are you saying that there isn't much point in trying to make friends with people that have no major benefits out of being friends with them? I guess social life at school is very different to the outside world. It's all about popularity and how/what type of friends you have at school. I find that if i have a lot of friends than i will be more happy and my days will be more interesting and joyful seeing all of them. Some of them of course, i see no benefits of becoming friends with them. There are only certain people i want to befriend that i think would be good, genuine friends. My problem is that i haven't gotten over my fear of rejection. I've been thinking that i'm annoying everyone by interrupting their day to talk to them. I suppose by all this rambling i mean that i should take into consideration what you have said Philosopher.
Sometimes, it happens to be the case that people who have nothing to say should speak in order to preserve their sanity and reinforce their self-awareness, especially when they've recently had a breakdown and are feeling a little depressed. I have met a few individuals in these circumstances and I've noticed a pattern: they can passionately talk shit for ages like it matters--and it does matter to them to speak and be listened to (!)--which leads me to concluded that language undoubtedly plays a fundamental in self-awareness or the extent of human consciousness. It is vital. It matters just as much as swearing as a means to unlax. 8-)
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Conversation is the oldest form of entertainment.
What about sex? It precedes language, surely... :mrgreen:
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Sweet avatar, Hagart.
deschainXIX wrote: Sweet avatar, Hagart.
Thanks.
Summerlander wrote: What about sex? It precedes language, surely...
What are you going to do for the rest of the 23 hours, and 58 minutes of your day? ;) OH, SNAP! You're right though. And the other forms of entertainment are eating and sleeping. They precede language. The latter we as lucid dreamers have turned into quite the show.
It's dangerous to think of time as wasted or better spent elsewhere. Such thinking leads inevitably to feelings of inadequacy, desperation, paralyzing fatalism, and fear of death, because it's impossible to genuinely spend every moment of our fleeting human lives being purposeful and progressive. All of us on a quotidian basis engage in things that "have no point"--so what sort of naïveté does it require to think to ourselves, "what's the point?" What is the point of anything, then, with this paradigmatic trend? Most would agree that troubling over something pointless is itself pointless. There's the paradoxical irony. :D
So, I'm assuming nesgirl was banned?
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Lol! Your Dudeism makes sense. And if nesgirl was banned it's only because she wasn't A WELL LIKED PERSON! :mrgreen:
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deschainXIX wrote: It's dangerous to think of time as wasted or better spent elsewhere. Such thinking leads inevitably to feelings of inadequacy, desperation, paralyzing fatalism, and fear of death, because it's impossible to genuinely spend every moment of our fleeting human lives being purposeful and progressive. All of us on a quotidian basis engage in things that "have no point"--so what sort of naïveté does it require to think to ourselves, "what's the point?" What is the point of anything, then, with this paradigmatic trend? Most would agree that troubling over something pointless is itself pointless. There's the paradoxical irony. :D
So, I'm assuming nesgirl was banned?
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Very thought provoking. .. thank you
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He's the best. 8-)
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